I was never content with what I have myself.
There was a time when I dreamed of having object A and I thought that this simple object will make me really happy, thus I wouldn’t ask for more than that. Then I was so blessed that I get object A. I felt so happy, very happy actually that I wanted to thank the heavens so much for the given gift. After a few weeks or months, after seeing someone having a better version of object A, I lose my elated feelings for having it. Deep inside me, I desire for that better version A (let’s now call it object B for the sake of clarity). Object B now becomes my new desire. And this cycle goes on and on and on until we see ourselves frustrated, depressed, and unhappy. We miss half of our lives by frowning and thinking what could happen if I have this object B.
Frankly, even though I know for a fact that this is what’s happening inside my brain for wishing and wanting too much, I can’t really help it whenever a thought of it invades me. It all starts with looking around, seeing good things, now seeing what other people have, then comparing it to what you have, ending up with a feeling of discontentment.
I feel bad whenever I wish for something that isn’t with me right now. I tend to focus at it and forget about all the good things which are right in front me. I forget to appreciate the simplest gifts I have with me. I FORGET TO BE HAPPY. Now this is how my self-talk goes whenever a thought of discontentment gets inside my head: “I am blessed. See this person A (whom I’m quite jealous of), she/he may have this, but is he/she completely happy. God is fair, so definitely his/her life wouldn’t be perfect. Look what I have now, my family is here—we’re not fighting, we love each other so much, we try to give each member’s desire as hard as we can, we are happy; we are financially stable—we can eat 3 times a day and actually more, we can afford to pamper ourselves by eating out and choosing what we want to eat, etc. These are the simplest gifts, actually a basic right of every human which is sadly not given to all. I am happy, I should be happy and thankful.”
Your face reminds me of a boy who once made me very happy. Your smile reminds me of a mutual feeling we once shared. Your mere presence reminds me of the best moments in my life. I loved you, everything about you. You were the boy I was head over heels in love with. And now, it kills me to think that everything’s over. I must admit that I still want you back, the old you back. Up to this very moment, I still hold on to my wish of having the old you back.